I am going to be a Grandma! I chose to be called YaYa. I cannot wait to meet this beautiful baby boy! I can’t wait to hold a newborn baby. Cuddle him. Kiss him! Make him laugh. Watch him grow. Watch him with his mom and dad. Watch him want to be like his Daddy! Beau and Angel are going to be fantastic parents.

Beau was and is the biggest fan of his own Dad, BJ. He learned how to do plumbing, electric and much more from his Dad. He helped his Dad build my mom’s house. I can’t wait to see this pass down to his own son. I’m sure it will be BJ and Beau teaching this little one a bunch of fun too! I’m going to be a YAYA!

The kitchen has a big pile of dishes to be done. The laundry is overwhelming. The living room/dining room needs some attention. It is Saturday morning. It is groundhog day for Kate and I.

On Friday, the middle of March I picked Kate up from school and we haven’t been back since. Now school is to resume next Wednesday, here, on a computer. Unless they are going to play Wiggles video’s all day, Kate won’t be there. She needs therapies and one on one attention. Hand over hand. Remote school is not going to work, no matter who is in charge. Kate is in charge.

You may wonder how Kate is in charge. Well, she is non-verbal, is with Down Syndrome and Autism. She communicates through taking my hand, yelling, or throwing things. The iPad communication device is not progressing here at home. We have made our home a safe haven for Kate. She has access to a big living room/dining room and her bedroom.

During this “break” we tried to get her potty trained. That was my goal and I start over every Monday. If ever there was a time of feeling like a failure, it is now. Some days I want to pull the covers over my head and forget everything. Some mornings start with looking at the clock and realizing it is 12 or 13 hours before bedtime. Some days are filled with giggles and joy. Lately it is filled with my sadness. Feeling like all the things we had for Kate, has been brutally taken away to leave a child, completely at the mercy of politics.

Kate misses her friends. She misses other children. She misses her teacher so much. She misses her therapists and all the administration at her school, who she kept smiling. She has her cousins, but they are kids that just don’t understand Kate. They try their best and I know in the future they will be the cousins that have so much compassion for the disabled. Unless you’re growing up in the same house, it is hard to understand Down Syndrome and Autism. They are in the same boat with school. The big difference is that they are potty trained and can feed themselves. LOL!

The others in the family are busy. Beau and Angel have worked all the way through this pandemic. Maria can work from home with her business and she has been helping Trinity with all the barn animals and shows. Trinity has traveled everywhere and won many Grands and other awards during all of this! I’m relieved that she actually was busier than any other year with the goat, lambs and pigs. Ireland is working and busy learning the job and just about to get her drivers license and a car. This is a relief to B.J. and I. These children have become the people we love spending time with! Genuine nice people! I find that God sending Kate, when He did, softened their hearts in a way that they will carry through their lives. I praise God every single day for my husband and children.

At the end of the day, I hold onto God. He has carried us through this so far and He will not abandon us now. As a Catholic we offer up our sufferings as a prayer. I have held onto the hem of His garment. I know if I pray in my own words, sometimes mixed with tears, He hears me. Every day He makes His presence known to us. Through someone’s kind words. A Bible story. A flower that began to bloom every year since my Dad passed. A smile from someone that cares. An, I love you. A giggle from Kate.

I look at her and cannot imagine our life without her. She is pure. Everyone thinks that Down Syndrome people are always happy and that is a myth. Kate gets sad and angry and is happy. Praise God she is more happy than sad and mad. She shows me that the most simple things make her have joy. I wake her up everyday to Marvelous Monday, Terrific Tuesday, Wonderful Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday’s were for me and her teachers, Fun Friday’s are her favorite. Super Saturdays and Saintly Sundays. Everyday is a joyful theme. Everyday we try and some days we fail. In all the failure is when my grief surfaces. Grief that I didn’t do better for her and it was just mundane. Mundane. Sparkles are not possible everyday. Mundane Monday, Terrible Tuesday, Worse Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday and Favorable Friday are some weeks.

The summer comes to a close. We love Fall! I look forward to Fall Pumpkin Latte’s, decorating for Fall, beautiful foliage, and Trick or Treating with Kate at B.J. and my hometown. This year will that be cancelled? We will have a party here on the farm, if it is. A bonfire and cooking out in crisp Fall weather! Hot toddies and good family and friends who love us and show it, by being there for us. Then comes my favorite, THANKSGIVING! Love my family around to hang out and lots and lots of joy. Christmas is so extra special celebrating the holiness of Christ’s birth. God bless everyone in their own personal struggles during this time. May God bring peace to our Nation and peace to our families.

When we were ordered to stay home, I was happy! Our lives have been moving so fast for so long. Not having to drive 100 miles a day and actually being home to cook, clean and projects, appealed to me so much. I needed a break from the never ending chaos.

Being a teenager and having to stay here is another story. I completely understand the need to be at the coffee shop, friends houses and just shopping! My daughters had one great outlet, their sister Maria’s house! So when they just need to get out, there are some things they do. One is take a ride around the farm in the side by side. The other is to escape to Maria’s for an afternoon/evening.

Being Kate, is actually more difficult. She loved school and was thriving there. She had friends, teachers and therapists she adored. To have everything stop was quite an adjustment. Her day starts with having coffee with me. Kate drinks a vitamin drink and I call it her coffee! She wakes up and we get dressed, potty training, coffee, breakfast and then the Wiggles. She is now able to go in her room alone and chooses to do that. Takes walks, take a ride with her sisters on the farm. She loves baking. She loves us!

Other families with a child or children with Special Needs aren’t doing so well. It is a never-ending fight of one thing or another. To have all the therapies and all the routine just stop abruptly, can be very traumatic to these children. I know some families depended heavily on the school. Now we have to wait until September for school. Months. These families can very well be in turmoil with no help in sight, for quite sometime. The school teachers, therapists and administrators are trying to help from afar and are greatly appreciated. I worry about the single parent that gets no break, no help and feels abandoned in this time.

So what have we learned through this Pandemic? I learned to slow down. To make fun times out of staying in. Pizza parties, movie nights, great conversations and family prayers. I learned how nice it is to see all my children on a day of fishing at the pond. Spontaneous dinners with our son Beau and Angel! I learned family is so important. My mom, brothers and sisters along with their spouses. We learned to let go of disagreements and just love, lots of love. In the end, it is love that gets us through this.

B.J. and I had just gotten back from our 25th wedding anniversary trip to St. Thomas and St. John Islands. We are grateful we had that before being thrown into this Pandemic. We have had to adjust to being home together so much. He officially knows that no matter how much he tells me how to cook, he is wrong. He also learned to cook on the grill and it is fantastic. He has had to take more on around the house. We love a date night once a week that is a movie or Columbo! We have been watching old Columbo movies and loving them! We have some drinks, appetizers and laughs.

God is the core of this home. We are all closer and now looking forward to getting on with a small garden. A new outdoor area, swimming and fire pit. We have a fenced in space for Kate that is becoming a play area also.

The biggest thing I learned is that Kate can be more by herself and the little lady loves to be in her room, playing. She is more independent. She may not have all the therapies right now, but she has all the love. She has a new found independence and she is growing and changing for the better.

Praying for all out there suffering through this. God Bless You!

• 

It was Halloween Day, it was pouring down rain. I have never driven in a rainstorm like that and it was frightening. I had dropped Kate off at school and had some errands to do. I really wanted to go home and snuggle in for the day. On top of this, I couldn’t find my umbrella. I walked as fast as I could through Costco parking lot. My glasses soaked. I was really thinking windshield wipers on my glasses would be great, didn’t they have those in the 1980’s? Anyway once I got in there, I saw all the Christmas decorations!

I walked down the aisle so slowly and just admired the lights, the snowmen and Santa’s. Then I saw it. A Nativity Set. It was perfect for my mantle. I fell in love with it. I was definitely coming back for this in a couple weeks. It was Halloween for Pete’s sake!

So I was waiting for some extra money. Once I got it, I was getting this Nativity Set. So a couple weeks go by. I go online and am crushed! Costco sold out of the Nativity Set. I was actually shocked at how sad I felt. I started looking online elsewhere but nope, nothing like what I wanted. So I kept pushing it out of my mind.

So the day before Thanksgiving I needed to go to Costco for Thanksgiving goodies. It is pouring again. The store opened at 10:00 a.m. and it was jammed by 10:22 a.m. As I’m walking to the store, I am asking God for this Nativity Set. Maybe a return? Maybe a miracle? I get in the store of madness!!! I start walking down the aisles and everything has changed. As I’m going down one aisle I see a guy, with possibly his elderly mom. Just past him is THE NATIVITY SET! I literally stop and start talking saying “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” This guy looks at me like I’m losing it. It just hits me. I picked up this massive box and am going to put it in the cart. This guy starts helping me and I’m crying. Tears of joy. Grateful. Humbled. He of course almost starts walking backwards after he helped me, so he could get away from the crazy crying woman! Lol!

This is an example of God and his love for me. This story may sound ridiculous, however I felt God’s presence. It is the small little Godwhispers. The, I am with you, I hear you, I love you! This Nativity Set isn’t the most expensive or even the most beautiful. It is more valuable to me. From now on anytime I look at this Nativity Set on my mantle every year, I will feel God’s love, that he gave me, in the Christmas aisle at Costco’s and how I cried with warmth and love. Do you hear it? God is whispering to you, listen this Advent Season. It could be to reach out to a stranger in need. Or a family member at odds. It could be something you haven’t asked God. Christmas brings out the kindness in each other. And if you see a woman, in Costco, crying, don’t judge her!!!

• 

Everything that I thought God was asking of me has changed. What I thought 2019 was going to be and what it ended up being was fantastic. This year started out rough. Beej had his second rotator cuff operation around Christmas. Business was almost at a stand still because of this. Beej worked through it and now our business couldn’t be better. Not to mention how great the economy and tax breaks are. Our son Beau was accepted into the Steamfitters and now has an awesome job. I took a grassroots class with my friend Fiona and loved it!

I took a trip with my sister Josie to Las Vegas and it was actually life changing watching her chase her dream and catch it with Plexus! What an inspiration! We went full blown Plexus and it has changed our Kate’s life the most. At this time last year, we were facing our fifth illness with her. Now that she is taking Plexus it has helped her gut become healthy. She is with Down Syndrome and Autism, she is growing so much. Kate is thriving in school!

Ireland and Trinity are taking College Courses. This is giving them a big head start, since they are 16 and 17. We had a big Sweet Sixteen Party for Trin. Kate is next for the final birthday of the year, she will be EIGHT!

Ireland is striving in her art, Trinity in her 4H animals and Maria is a true graphic designer with her own business of Double Barn Designs. We couldn’t be prouder!

This past fall I went back to school. Just a night class, but I absolutely love it!

I have gotten to be an advocate for Kate’s special needs school, The Watson Institute. They asked me to speak at a fundraiser and lately to speak with Pennsylvania Representative Josh Kail. These were blessings! I’m hoping to be a bigger asset to them in 2020, stand by!

THEN! By the grace of God and my friend Jim Minahan, I was on stage with President Donald J. Trump.

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• 

I think it took five days before my feet hit the ground again. We loved it! Right Jim, Patsy and Larry?

So 2019 was an adventure and we are excited for the holidays! We can’t wait to see what God has planned for 2020! #TRUMP2020

This Friday, July 26 will be 13 years since our Dad died. As bizarre as this may sound, I talk to him all the time. I ask him for favors, he comforts me when I’m up against it and I know that Heaven is not as far as we think.

I take his bride, my wonderful mom, to church, doctors appointments and anything else that comes along. My Dad is the keeper of great parking spots for her. He is just waiting for her to finish this life so he can show her God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, our Blessed Mother and all the family and friends that are up there.

We all miss him more than words can express. He was such a solid Dad. A loving Dad and he definitely showed me what humor is. Oh the stories he told…I smile just thinking about the big Sunday dinners and how he held court after with his fabulous tales of working as a police officer. We couldn’t hear them enough.

I think what I miss the most is his kindness. He was not a pushover ever. He was the most honest man our family ever knew, for real! He had a very soft side to him, for his wife and us kids. At his funeral Mass, Father Myers (who ate many a leg of lamb at our house!) talked about what was the most important part of my Dad. Not his business, but his family. His life was about us and all our love. Yes, God first and then family, but he was a big family man.

So here is what I want to say to him: Thanks Dad. Thanks for holding my hand as we crossed the street. Thanks for taking me with you on your errands and telling everyone that I was your girlfriend, even though I was only five. I got a lot of lollipops out of that! Thanks for White Swan Park, going to Indiana, Pa to visit family. Thanks for instilling the love of history in me, we will be going to Gettysburg soon. Thanks for showing me what hard work is and how no matter what, family is everything. Thanks for marrying the woman of your dreams! Thanks for being the patriot you were. You see me and the rest of your children that are fighting in politics. You know you raised some solid fighters (Bill) for what is right! Thanks for leaving me this. A memory I have every time I walk to our seat in church, you sitting, head bowed and hands folded in prayer for us. I can see it, every time. Thanks for being open to life, I love every one of my brothers and sisters. Thanks Dad for bringing me such joy and so much laughter. I miss you so much so I strive to get where you are. Thanks Dad.

I couldn’t wait to start writing about all our endeavors here on the farm. My daughters and I had big plans. Then life happened. Kate was so very sick this past winter and spring. We have been just trying to get her healthy again. I don’t know about you and your family, but this year has been the most illness I have ever seen.

So after beating myself up about, once again, not getting the projects done, I decided to just stop abusing myself. Sometimes we need to stop and take inventory of our lives. In our life, God is always first, family is second. BJ and I have had to make some very hard decisions. Ireland (16), Trinity (15) and Kate (7) are our priorities. Kate living with Down Syndrome and Autism is a priority in all our lives. She has changed our live in such amazing ways.

So I did get burned out. I felt like I needed a break and needed the break to be a healing for me. Leaving my family for five days to go to a Plexus Convention in Las Vegas with my sister Josie. Best thing I have done for myself in a long time. First of all it is nice to not be in crisis mode. Second it is wonderful to watch my sister do her wonders. I love Plexus and this trip even concreted that more.

So I guess this blog is going to be many things. I hope most of all it is an incentive to live and accept ourselves as we are or how we try to be! I’m so far from perfect, ask my in-laws, but I try to be kind and try to teach our children love and kindness. I hope you’re still on board for this new and hopefully improved blog. May God Bless you!

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