The kitchen has a big pile of dishes to be done. The laundry is overwhelming. The living room/dining room needs some attention. It is Saturday morning. It is groundhog day for Kate and I.

On Friday, the middle of March I picked Kate up from school and we haven’t been back since. Now school is to resume next Wednesday, here, on a computer. Unless they are going to play Wiggles video’s all day, Kate won’t be there. She needs therapies and one on one attention. Hand over hand. Remote school is not going to work, no matter who is in charge. Kate is in charge.

You may wonder how Kate is in charge. Well, she is non-verbal, is with Down Syndrome and Autism. She communicates through taking my hand, yelling, or throwing things. The iPad communication device is not progressing here at home. We have made our home a safe haven for Kate. She has access to a big living room/dining room and her bedroom.

During this “break” we tried to get her potty trained. That was my goal and I start over every Monday. If ever there was a time of feeling like a failure, it is now. Some days I want to pull the covers over my head and forget everything. Some mornings start with looking at the clock and realizing it is 12 or 13 hours before bedtime. Some days are filled with giggles and joy. Lately it is filled with my sadness. Feeling like all the things we had for Kate, has been brutally taken away to leave a child, completely at the mercy of politics.

Kate misses her friends. She misses other children. She misses her teacher so much. She misses her therapists and all the administration at her school, who she kept smiling. She has her cousins, but they are kids that just don’t understand Kate. They try their best and I know in the future they will be the cousins that have so much compassion for the disabled. Unless you’re growing up in the same house, it is hard to understand Down Syndrome and Autism. They are in the same boat with school. The big difference is that they are potty trained and can feed themselves. LOL!

The others in the family are busy. Beau and Angel have worked all the way through this pandemic. Maria can work from home with her business and she has been helping Trinity with all the barn animals and shows. Trinity has traveled everywhere and won many Grands and other awards during all of this! I’m relieved that she actually was busier than any other year with the goat, lambs and pigs. Ireland is working and busy learning the job and just about to get her drivers license and a car. This is a relief to B.J. and I. These children have become the people we love spending time with! Genuine nice people! I find that God sending Kate, when He did, softened their hearts in a way that they will carry through their lives. I praise God every single day for my husband and children.

At the end of the day, I hold onto God. He has carried us through this so far and He will not abandon us now. As a Catholic we offer up our sufferings as a prayer. I have held onto the hem of His garment. I know if I pray in my own words, sometimes mixed with tears, He hears me. Every day He makes His presence known to us. Through someone’s kind words. A Bible story. A flower that began to bloom every year since my Dad passed. A smile from someone that cares. An, I love you. A giggle from Kate.

I look at her and cannot imagine our life without her. She is pure. Everyone thinks that Down Syndrome people are always happy and that is a myth. Kate gets sad and angry and is happy. Praise God she is more happy than sad and mad. She shows me that the most simple things make her have joy. I wake her up everyday to Marvelous Monday, Terrific Tuesday, Wonderful Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday’s were for me and her teachers, Fun Friday’s are her favorite. Super Saturdays and Saintly Sundays. Everyday is a joyful theme. Everyday we try and some days we fail. In all the failure is when my grief surfaces. Grief that I didn’t do better for her and it was just mundane. Mundane. Sparkles are not possible everyday. Mundane Monday, Terrible Tuesday, Worse Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday and Favorable Friday are some weeks.

The summer comes to a close. We love Fall! I look forward to Fall Pumpkin Latte’s, decorating for Fall, beautiful foliage, and Trick or Treating with Kate at B.J. and my hometown. This year will that be cancelled? We will have a party here on the farm, if it is. A bonfire and cooking out in crisp Fall weather! Hot toddies and good family and friends who love us and show it, by being there for us. Then comes my favorite, THANKSGIVING! Love my family around to hang out and lots and lots of joy. Christmas is so extra special celebrating the holiness of Christ’s birth. God bless everyone in their own personal struggles during this time. May God bring peace to our Nation and peace to our families.